Curiosity that Leads to Love, not Judgement…

 His boss, Rebecca and her ex are also there and the ex, Rupert, is giving Rebecca 
a hard time. He suggests that he will be in the owners box from now on and every time the team loses (every 
game) he will harass her. There is tension in this because Rupert’s love was the club but now it is her domain 
and she has tried to run it into the ground because he loves it – hence Ted, an American football coach – the 
wrong type of football.
Ted is throwing some darts at the board, and they are going all over the place. Ruperts asked him if he 
likes darts and challenges him to a game. Ted readily agrees and Rupert suggests a bet – 10,000 pounds to 
the winner. In a wonderful line, Ted says, ‘Woah. It’s like when I was addicted to Fettucine Alfredo and my 
doctor said that it’s a bit rich for your blood, Ted.’ He suggests an alternate bet: ‘How about if you win, you 
can pick the team for the last rounds of the season – whoever you want on the park. If I win, you don’t go 
near the owner’s box whilst Rebecca is in charge.’ Rupert agrees, names the game, produces his good quality 
darts and Ted asks that he lets him know whether he’s winning or losing. The game begins.
Rupert seems to be doing well and at one point Ted asks the scorekeeper what he needs to win – 2 triple 
20’s and a bullseye! Ted pauses and tells a story:
‘You know Rupert. Guys have underestimated me all my life and for years I could never understand why. 
It really used to bother me. Then one day I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt 
Whitman painted on the wall there. It said: “Be curious, not judgemental.” I like that.’ Ted throws a dart and 
it’s another triple 20.
He continues, ‘I get back in my car and I’m driving to work and all of a sudden it hits me. All of them 
fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. They thought they had everything all 
figured out, so they judged everything, and they judged everyone. I realised that their underestimating me.
Who I was had nothing to do with it. Cause if they were curious, they would have asked questions. You know. 
Questions like: “Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?” Ted throws another dart and it’s another triple 20!
‘To which I would have answered, “Yes sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father from 
aged 10 to 16 when he passed away.” Ted looks up and said ‘Barbecue Sauce’ then throws has last dart into 
the bullseye and wins the game.
Be curious, not judgemental! I have thought about these words, and they challenge me. They are 
confronting words that push me to listen and peer beyond my preconceived ideas, expectations and the way 
I experience or think I understand other people. They challenge me not to assume that I know everything or 
am correct, that my way is the only way of seeing. They break open my prejudices and invite me to ask 
questions that lead to deeper understanding and ultimately to relationship.
When I see someone who is obviously different, doing or saying something that collides with my own 
perspective of what is right, I can either stand in judgement or engage in conversation where curiosity and 
openness to understanding are present and operative. I can seek to understand what is going on behind the 
face of another, to understand their life, their experience and what has formed them. Perhaps then I might be 
better placed to work with and support them, to build relationship in which we may both change and grow.
I think of the many ways in which our world is divided and broken, where judgement, hatreds (often 
ancient), fear, power and control etc dominate and create violence and conflict. Of course, Gaza and Israel 
are on our minds at the moment. I listen and hear many divergent voices standing on one side or another, 
often simplifying complex issues into simplistic statements. Much of the rhetoric engages the political 
questions around the Israeli Government and Hamas, but there are many thousands of innocent people who 
are suffering whilst we debate the politics. I wonder if I am curious about either side or simply judgemental 
from my particular perspective. I wonder what questions I might ask, that need to be asked of each side in the 
conflict. 
This week I am challenged even more deeply by Jesus’ words in Luke’s story (Luke 12:49-56), where 
Jesus is weighed down by his own impending passion and suffering, the weight of this journey he must take 
because humans will reject him. He speaks to the people claiming that he has not brought the peace they 
expect because his words, his life, his actions will bring division. Families and communities will be divided 
over his words because they challenge power, wealth, the status quo and the powers that be will not allow them. He will be killed for proclaiming a way of peace, of love, of justice, of equality for all. He will be killed 
because he champions a way that welcomes all people and lifts up those rejected, excluded, hated and made 
outcast by a judgemental society, culture and religion. The powers that be cannot allow him to live and keep 
on speaking these words!
Those who reject him are not bad people. They are genuine and faithful but also lost in their own greed for 
money, power, status and they benefit from the particular order they have created. They judge others without 
ever being curious or open to the possibility that this other person – is a person! 
Many who have followed in this way of Jesus have discovered that his words do divide – Martin Luther 
King Jr, Bonhoeffer, Archbishop Romero and many others have been martyred, killed for standing up against 
powerful people who won’t allow the words of love and justice to be heard. They fear the potential change 
they might bring.
When Jesus says that his words will bring division, that is a descriptive, not prescriptive, statement. It is a 
statement of fact that people will reject the way of inclusive, just, peaceful love. More than that, fear and 
ignorance create the milieu for suspicion, rejection and judgement of people who look, speak or act 
differently. When there are different opinions to our own, especially our well-through through opinions, we 
easily become defensive. I see that in myself as I argue my point all too frequently, believing, perhaps that I 
see more clearly, more truly, than the other. I may well do, sometimes, but my rejection of another’s opinions 
and arguing against them creates a barrier that is not easily broken down. Unless I am willing to listen, to hear 
and to become aware of my own prejudices, abuses of power, greed and ignorance, I will never grow, and 
others will not encounter the liberation and hope they yearn for. There is so much complexity that wraps itself 
around life and creates the space for judgement and division. Perhaps curiosity and openness to listening may 
enable Jesus’ way of love to flourish in my life and the lives of others who share life in this world.